I haven’t written much of anything lately because I’ve been busy.  Or lazy.  Or maybe both.  But, my little brother, Zach has.  He’s very talented and insightful, and I love his writing, so I thought I’d share his latest short story.  

by Zachary Ratcliffe

“Has it really been 40 years?” my wife Elaine asked me on our way to the school.

“Yes, honey. Where did the time go?”

My wife of 39 years and I were heading to the Mumford High class of 72 reunion. Being from a small town in the Appalachian Mountains in southwest Virginia, most people tended to stay close to their families and friends (like we did), so it isn’t like we don’t see the people we grew up with on a daily basis. This is just an expensive dinner, if you ask me. I was content on staying home this weekend, watching the Olympics, but Elaine begged and pleaded until I agreed.

“Jim, who do you think will be here tonight?”

“Probably the exact same people who go to these things every 5 years. Does my tie look alright? I don’t think I’ve worn one since Michael’s wedding.” I grunted.

“It looks fine, Jim. Michael’s wedding was over 10 years ago. I’m sure you’ve worn a tie between now and then.”

I’ve had this suit since my oldest son’s wedding in 2000. That was 12 years and 20 pounds ago. I feel like if I move wrong, something is going to bust at the seams.

“I told you we could go get you a new suit before this evening. You better not embarrass me tonight.” I could tell my loving wife was here to impress tonight.

My comfort level rose once inside. Even though I’m not the sharpest dresser, I forgot that nobody here was either. My old tennis partner Drew had on high-water pants that made him look like he picked them up from Goodwill an hour ago. Matthew and Brian, the only smart ones not to marry, came in wearing jeans and cutoff flannel shirts, covered in dirt looking like they just got off the farm. The best part was that all the wives had the exact same embarrassed look of disgust on their faces as Elaine did.

“Go catch up. I’m going to go grab a beer,” I told Elaine as I made my way to the bar.

Sitting at the bar, I had time to get a lot of small talk in with various people. I told them how happy Michael and Vanessa were, how my youngest son, Tim, was doing well at the electric company, how Elaine and I had taken up geocaching. Whenever I looked around for Elaine, I didn’t see her with the wives.

I excused myself from the bar as I walked around the restaurant. The reunion was set in one room, so it shouldn’t have to be this hard to find her. I walked to the car. No sign. I checked the regular dining area. Didn’t see her. I finally went to the restroom and the women’s was locked.

I knocked. “Elaine, are you in there honey?”

She opened the door. As I walked in I saw her crying. She somehow managed to spill an entire glass of red wine on her white dress.

“How could I have been so stupid to drink wine while peeing?”

“It’s not that bad, honey. It isn’t like we’re at a ball with ritzy people.”

As I said that, I realized that was exactly who Elaine thought we were with. This wasn’t just an ordinary night out. This was as close to that extravagant ball as she would ever get, and here she was, with people here in dirty flannel, and she will be remembered as the worst dressed here.

“Well, if we can’t fix that dress, we might as well have everyone staring at both of us.”

Quickly, I bent over and dropped to my knees, splitting my pants in the back, exposing my whitey tighties from top to bottom.

“Jim! Why did you do that?” Elaine asked, crying about her dress and laughing at me at the same time.

“If they’re gonna make fun of my wife’s stain, they can make fun of my busted pants, too!”

Elaine grinned. “Well, if we’re going to go down, let’s go in flames”

We dried off her face, kissed, and left the bathroom. Not as a couple trying to impress anyone by acting better than what we were, but as a truly happy couple. A couple people should be envious over.